Rhetorical Analysis Essay – Editing

I attached my essay on files.
Please read the essay first, and then read the instructor comments and edit the essay, on base of what my instructor is asking me to change. The instructor comments are wrote as: INSTRUCTOR COMMENT: , every comment is under each color bar.

My Responses

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Below is the work you completed for each strategy in the assignment along with your instructor’s comments.

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BEFORE READING: Paraphrase the assignment

After reading the assignment for Essay 2 (the rhetorical analysis assignment) what is your paraphrase of the assignment’s objectives and instructions? How do you understand what to do in this paper and why you are doing it?

Your response: The main objective of writing a rhetorical analysis essay is to identify the author’s goals, techniques, and appeals to the audience. And how the author is trying to persuade the audience by using pathos, ethos or logos. How do I feel after reading this article? What could I gain from this articles? What is the author trying to tell me?

Instructor comment: Okay good! Those are some good critical thinking questions.

DURING READING: Check the Intro

1) Does the intro present the essay’s author (first and last name) and the essay title (in quotation marks)? This is best presented in the first couple of sentences. Example: In Bob Jones’s article “Why College Students Procrastinate”… 2) Does the intro offer some background info or context about the essay you’ve chosen to write about? 3) Does the intro offer some info about the author’s thesis, purpose, or perhaps a brief summary? Note: summary can also be in its own paragraph in the body if necessary (just make sure you also have three body paragraphs of analysis) Discuss what’s missing or write a statement confirming you have the necessary information the reader needs to set up the analysis and present the thesis.

Your response: Yes, my title contains the name of the article in quotation marks, also I give mention of the author’s article. Yes, my introduction offers informational backgroun from the author, I mentioned her experiences on giving TED talks. I give a brief summary of what the article is about so I can get the audience more interested and caught, so they will want to continue read my rhetorical anaylisis essay. I believe I have the necessary information, I have my thesis and the purpose as well included in my introduction.

Instructor comment: Good!

DURING READING: Check the Thesis

Locate and highlight the thesis statement in the introduction (it should be the last sentence of the intro). Then check it for the following: 1) A claim that asserts the effectiveness (or ineffectiveness) of the author’s work 2) The “how” – the three points / rhetorical strategies / devices you discuss in the essay? 3) Make sure the thesis is a statement and not a question 4) Make sure the thesis does NOT announce the topic. Ex: In this essay, I will analyze logos, pathos, ethos. 5) Discuss your assessment of the thesis statement in the comment box.

Your highlighted text: Giving her arguments, Brown employs several rhetorical styles to draw her audience’s attention to the need to get off the cell phones. The author uses rhetorical styles like logos, pathos, and ethos. She actualizes the use of these styles by centering on purpose, her viewers, and the voice she uses.

Your comment: I do mention the three strategical analysis without mentioning a brief summary of the artcile, It is a statement.

Instructor Comment: On the right track here. Work on precise and concise wording: use “rhetorical strategies” (not “styles”) and try “she uses these strategies” in the second sentence. Also remove “like”.

DURING READING: Check the Purpose

Make sure your essay does not offer an opinion (in thesis or elsewhere) about the subject matter the writer is writing about. Your purpose is not to disagree or agree with the author but to assess whether or not his/her argument / opinion / conclusions are communicated effectively. Do you note any places in your essay where you forgot the purpose of a rhetorical analysis and are focusing on your opinion of the content. Example of losing purpose: you agree or disagree with whether athletes should not be paid instead of analyzing the author’s ability to communicate his/her position on this argument. Discuss your assessment of purpose in the textbox.

Your response: I never did a disagreement or agreement with her statement I just clarify her message, as you can see on paragraph number two, the first line says; “First, the author begins by condemning a moral act by employing the use of ethical aspect in her observation…” The keywords I wanted to mention on the first line were, moral act and ethical aspect, because both of these two words are simply the whole article, being moral and act with an ethical aspect, and that is her main message that she is trying to persuade to the audience.

Instructor comment: No comment added

DURING READING: Check Supporting Evidence I

Highlight the supporting evidence in the body paragraphs. Point out those places in the draft where you think you are providing convincing evidence for your thesis. These should be passages of text that you, as writer, are rhetorically analyzing, pulling apart and commenting on in order to show persuasion (how the writer convinces the audience) at work. Look for quotes or paraphrases or specific text references. Note: There should not be supporting evidence in the intro or conclusion. When you highlight each area for supporting evidence here, make a quick comment on why you think that evidence supports your thesis. Note: If you aren’t able to highlight much because you are lacking supporting evidence, that’s okay. Write at least one comment on the essay somewhere acknowledging this and then see the next question on the Process Wheel.

Your highlighted text: Through those acts, she feels the service providers are looking down upon by the customers who don’t seem to show any form of respect. She also captures the readers’ attention by revealing her shock at the treatment that the two service providers were receiving. In her expression, she employs the use of pathos as she states, “I really couldn’t believe it.” a reader may be interested to know more on why she doesn’t believe what she is seeing despite the victims knowing it has been normal for over the years, and they are no longer surprised about it.

Your comment: It supports my thesis because she is clearly using pathos, she is trying to transmit her own feelings during that situation to the audience.

Your highlighted text: The author continued to employ the rhetorical style ethos when she stopped by on her way home at Barnes and Noble to pick a magazine. Another woman on her cell phone purchased two books and asked to get one book gift wrapped. She did all these without making any eye contact with the lady at the counter. Again, she uses logic to explain the exact duration they known each other with the manicurists. By that, she employs logos to bring to attention the exact feelings she has about the relationship they have had over the years. She further goes ahead to give evidence of how deep her relationship with the manicurists has been. She states, “…they know my name, my children’s names, and many of my stories.” Following these sentiments and many more that she had earlier provided, it is clear to the authors that it was unusual to live with people according to the Vietnamese culture and treat them just like objects.

Your comment: In this part of my essay, and also the author’s article she is using ethos and logos, in the same situation. She gives her logical argument to prove her point.

Instructor Comment: No comment added

DURING READING: Check Supporting Evidence II

Now scan back through the body paragraphs and see how much your essay “lights up” with the highlights to gauge if you have enough support. Point out those places in the draft where you think you need to provide more evidence for claims that are not supported with examples or analysis. Suggest possible ways in the highlight comment boxes that you could develop that evidence.

Your highlighted text: What even amuses the author more is that the customer completes the buying process without even uttering a single word to the seller or making even eye contact. She states, “She plowed through the entire exchange without making eye contact or directly speaking to the young woman working at the counter.” Through her expression towards this behavior that she feels is so inhuman, she employs pathos to capture her audience’s attention, who gets convinced of the bad habits of people prioritizing the use of their phones to talking to people.

Your comment:

Your highlighted text: Again, the author captures her audience’s attention when she receives a call while she was driving. She describes that despite not having much time to explain why she couldn’t talk at that time, she still manages to spare some time to respond very fast to the questions that she is asked by the person who calls her. Again, every time she feels she doesn’t do the right thing, she apologizes. From the reaction of one of the women she apologizes to, we can see this is unusual.

Your comment: I believe I have enough evidence since I mentioned every situation the author talked about in her article. And I tried to communicate better her message.

Instructor Comment: No comment added

DURING READING: Check Supporting Evidence III

Summarize your supporting evidence findings here in a few sentences. Do you have sufficient evidence? Is it strong? Is it consistent? Does it support the overall thesis statement and the claim of the corresponding body paragraph? Are your body paragraphs fully developed with text evidence and analysis of it? Or are you perhaps relying too much on the support (too many quotes and paraphrases) and lacking your own analysis?

Your response: I believe I have enough evidence as well as it is strong because I mentioned every situation the author went through, and how it was interpreted for her, as well the message she is trying to persuade to the audience. Yes, it supports my theory because the author uses the three rhetorical analysis strategies to persuade readers and I mentioned them chronologically, as the story was told.

Instructor comment: No comment added

AFTER READING: Check the Point of View

The rhetorical situation for this assignment calls for an objective perspective since you are writing an analysis. You will be in third person. This means you won’t be using first person personal pronouns of “I” “me” “my”. In fact, your opinions (“I think”) and your personal experiences (“One time I”) should not be in the essay. Yes, you are forming a conclusion about the effectiveness of the writing, but not an opinion about the subject matter. You will not need “I think” “I feel” or “I believe” statements. You will also not be addressing readers directly with “you” or using “you” to mean the audience. When you want to refer to the audience it is perfectly acceptable to use the labels “the audience” or “readers”. Review your essay and find problem areas where point of view shifts from third to first or second (“you”) person. And find places where you may have inserted anecdotes, opinions on the topic, or other “I” statements. Discuss / summarize your findings in the text box.

Your response: I only used third person since the article belongs to her, I am just here to communicate better her article, and her main message she is trying to prove, and persuade readers. Since it is a rhetorical essay I have to use the third person point of view, and it belongs to the person being talked about.

Instructor comment: No comment added


Make sure your quotes are as follows: 1) accurate (word for word exact) 2) punctuated correctly (inside “ “ quotation marks) 3) Integrated smoothly.See below:–words and phrases from text blended into your own sentences –Use IQC formula: I = introduce the quote Q = Quote word for word C = Comment on quote with explanation / analysis Please note what you need to work on regarding your quotes.

Your response: After I quote, I do analyze and I give a brief summary of what the author is trying to communicate.

Instructor comment: No comment added

AFTER READING: Reflect on the Draft

What do you think is working well in this draft? In what ways is the draft meeting the assignment? Is there any way in which this draft is NOT meeting the assignment? How could that be resolved? You can also consider other areas for improvement such as organization, the conclusion, etc.

Your response: I think my conclusion is not well formulated nor organized, I feel like it needs something else. I have to work on my conclusion, I will appreciate if my instructor will tell me if my conclusion is well formulated or if still needs something else, so I can work on my conclusions for future essays.

Instructor comment: The conclusion needs some rethinking. Make sure you don’t introduce any new points or information/evidence in a conclusion. You need to wrap up the paper there and not bring in anything new. Remind readers of your main idea and leave readers with an insight about your analysis. Another area to rethink is the organization. If you are analyze all three appeals, be sure to decide distinct points/paragraphs to each strategy. And be sure to use the terms ethos, logos, and pathos. Each body paragraph should let readers clearly know what the point is using these terms.

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